As most of you know I wear my hair loc’ed. However, there was a point in my life when locing was not an option. People I was addicted to weave. When I say addicted I mean I had to have it. I would obsess about getting my weave done more that I cared about paying my car note. Seriously.
Chile walking into the beauty supply to look at all the weaves made me high. I marveled at all the colors, textures, curly, kinky, straight, bone straight and wavy. I could look at the wall for hours. I just loved it. I would take my time and find the most perfect hair I could find and run out the door like I just copped a big ole eight ball of crack (lol). But if I wanted my hair to be super bad I had to make sure my relaxer was on point … if not I would need to pick up some Elasta QP or hopefully my stylist would have some of that Affirm. I may come out of the beauty supply $50.00- 75.00 lighter but I felt great.
Then I would go home and soak my head with conditioner and glue remover. I would pour half a bottle of conditioner on my head with about two bottles of glue remover. I placed a plastic bag or cap on my head for a few hours. This made the removal of the old hair much simpler. However, sometimes the glue would be real stubborn and I would have to tear off some of my real hair to remove the weave. Once the weave was totally out I would take a wide tooth comb and comb out all the glue. I always placed my weave in a pile once I removed it. I would often look at it like an old friend going on to college or the army and you’re sad to see them leave but hope the best for them.
The down side to the conditioner/weave removal process was the glue would get gummy and stick to everything in sight. If it got on your cloths you can forget it because it was never coming off. If it got on the carpet or walls it would be hell to get out. Needless, to say I had a weave removal uniform…. yes I did. I would wear this raggedy t-shirt with some bleached up jogging pants when I took out my weave. Once the glue and the hair were out I would wash and blow dry my hair.
It’s sad to admit but it was hard for me to look at myself in the mirror without my weave. To me the hair made me feel beautiful and seductive. Without the hair I felt like a bald head ugly girl that desperately needed the weave to feel whole again. I would quickly tie my hair up with a scarf and waited for the next day so I could let my stylist work her magic.
I would show up to the salon at my appointed time and waited with baited breath for her to get to me. But the wait was okay because I would pour over magazines looking for the perfect style to rock my new weave. Once I found the style I wanted I would hold on to that book for dear life. Then I would pull my weave out the pack and look at it, ran my fingers through it, and I totally loved the smell of a new pack of weave. After feeling it and smelling it I put it back in the bag and waited my turn.
Now once I’ve waited between 1-2 hours depending on how overbooked the stylist is I would get my turn to set in the seat. I handed her my book and said I want my hair like hers! Now the transformation began. This normally took about another 1-2 hours depending on how I was getting my hair. I loved to feel the cold glue press up against my scalp. Then I would feel the soft hair fall on my face……….I was in heaven. Then she would start cutting with the razor. As she got further in the process my excitement would be on full blast. She would go over each section with the flat iron. I love smelling the oil sheen and spritz sizzling on the hair as the hot flat irons made each strand of hair more perfect than before.
Finally reveal time… and the stylist turns me to the mirror and I can hear Stevie Wonder singing …Isn’t she lovely, isn’t she wonderful. I would inspect the hair and make sure that it was to my liking and if not ask the stylist to tweak some areas if needed. But when I left I was in full DIVA mode. Before I left I had to put on a little mascara and lip gloss.
In 24 hours I went from feeling like the ugly duckling in the mirror to a full beauty queen. This went on for 16 years until finally I got tired of wasting my money and feeling so damn insecure. I challenged myself to feel beautiful outside the confines of weaves and wigs. I took the scissors to my head and chopped off all the perm. I went to my loctian and said I want locs. Now trust me the locs was not love at first sight. Trust me I did not feel beautiful at all but I was determined to break myself from feeling ugly because something as stupid as hair. People would say little smart remarks or not say anything at all. I don’t think the first 2 months of me getting my locs no one said anything positive about my hair. It felt like it was me against the world, but I was determined to win. My family asked me questions like what are you doing with your hair, friends just did not say nothing or would tell me about someone else with short hair and how THEIR hair looked good. Indicating that mine did not look so good. I did just what Jay said in the song… I brushed the dirt off my shoulders and kept pushing. Now that I am 2 years into the locs people that were hating before say things like… man I wish I had the courage to do that or do I have to cut off all my hair or my favorite do they have loc extensions that I can wear until my hair grows out. I understand that everyone is not into the natural thang and I am fine with that. I am not one that will belittle a sistah for rocking a weave or relaxed hair. Do what makes you feel beautiful… but when your self esteem and worth is connected to hair then it is time to check yo self.
